The 29th Birthday
The clock has officially started: one year to complete my "30 by 30" quests.
I'm not keen on having too much time to contemplate my birthday - on my birthday - so when family asked what I was doing this year I decided it might as well be a party. I'll get plenty of people around me, helping me think about them and not ponder too deeply on my own existence.
Taking a look through Pinterest, I found some ideas for making a dreary, cold-weather, Valentine's-Day-month birthday into a theme of comfy and sweet: Plaid, gold/sparkles, burlap, and German chocolate cake on a slice of wood. Sort of "Lumberjane" with sparkles (maybe something more like a gold panner who lives in a forest?...). Yay for utilizing Pinterest! And super yay for family and friends rushing in to help an overwhelmed bday girl put together a party.
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| My kitty, trying to 'help' me decorate. |
So, embarrassingly, I had a bit of a meltdown, right as the first few friends showed up. I had been rushing around all morning, trying to get errands done, decorations finished and up, food made, and the house cleaned. Even with help from family earlier, at that very moment - prepping the shepherds pie - I was alone in the house and winding myself up into a stressball-frenzy. As soon as the pie went in the oven, I put myself in time-out up in my room (with the remains of a bottle of wine).
Did I want to be stressed on my birthday? Of course not... Then why was I letting all the little things bother me? Did my friends really care if the food was ready immediately? Or that everything is clean and set up perfectly? Nope. Got no friends like that. Why? 'cause I'm a lucky ducky with awesome friends. So, I focused on that. That was the important thing and the reason for the party.
After a couple more swigs of wine and a few deep breaths, I refocused and was able to have a good time the rest of the night.
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| Mom and friends created my dream cake! |
I'm hoping that I will generally be able to do that with my life this year. Coming back to live in the US after over two years abroad, I have been stressed, depressed, and generally miserable. Like a kid trying to eat her veggies when she's thinking about those delicious cookies she'd rather be eating. Of course those cookies-of-travel are awesome, and everyone knows I'd rather be participating in them... But I need to try to set them further back in my mind for now. This year I need to learn how to focus on enjoying my vegetables-of-staying-put, and saving money.
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| Dad made the terracotta campfires come to life! |
Holding on to these feelings aren't doing me any good. They're just letting me live miserable. I may not want to be here, but I am here. If I do well in the life I have now, I could work my way into a situation where I can travel again. So! There's plenty to look forward to, if I just do well at paying attention to - and find the happy things in - this moment. This time in my life will be good too.
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| Without dad's help, we wouldn't have been able to have so many delicious S'mores |
So, at 29 I'm going to focus on this: now is a great time to work on myself, my character and skill sets. Slow times are meant for recovery and rebuilding, right? So that's what I'll focus on. Take a few breaths now, and I'll get back to living my life.
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| After party clean up time |
KJets
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